100% me, more or less

Ok, maintaining the autobiographical tone here at portfoliolongo.com, DNA testing within the last year revealed the following speculative analysis of my ancestry composition, maternal and paternal combined, reflecting where my ancestors lived 500 years ago, before ocean-crossing ships and airplanes came on the scene. (I’m inclined to cite that quote, but I won’t for a few reasons) Who knows how accurate this information is? Better yet, who knows whether it’s valid, credible, useful, etc.. Theoretically, it applies to my sister and brother as well. At any rate, here’s essentially what got spit out:
25.4%   – Italian
21.2%   – Nonspecific Northern European
18.5%   – Nonspecific Southern European
17.1%   – British & Irish
10.7%   – French & German
6.1%    –  Nonspecific European
0.7%    –  Middle Eastern & North African
0.7%    –  Middle Eastern
0.2%    –  Sardinian
0.1%    –  North African
< 0.1% – Unassigned
100%   – Me, more or less  (Note: An estimated 2.7% of my DNA is from Neanderthals.)


What if…

Somehow after routine cleanings and multiple moves an ancient jar of pepperoncinis manages to remain, except there are no pepperoncinis left, just the pickled pepperoncini brine. I’m guessing it’s from the early 1990s. What if I gargle with it?


Please Stand By

What ever happened to the TV test pattern? After a day of canceling services here, starting services there, suspending services, talking with customer service representatives, most of whom are pretty darn good, and listening to “I’m on hold” music, my signal strength is weak, I’m tired. Look, I’m going off the air!


Our 1st Move: Simpler Times

Would you look at what Ann just found in one of the boxes!

It certainly didn’t take much back in July of 1991 – at least in terms of moving – for the two of us and India, our Doberwoman, to move in together and initiate 21 months of blissful, premarital cohabitation right there in our Nation’s Capital.  If I’m reading the mover’s estimate correctly, what we “had” then is a lot less than the 10,794 lbs, incl. 2 vehicles, that we’ll be dragging nearly 1,800 miles over the Rockies in a couple of weeks!

Simpler Times


This iPad drawing in Fifty Three Paper from a couple of months ago was animated by a fascination I’ve had with the notion of loyalty as the glue that bonds followers or subscribers to both a.) whatever and/or whoever they hold dear as well as b.) their like-minded, fellow followers. Who better than the Koch brothers using Elmer’s Glue with their own bare hands to assemble their followers, I thought, to illustrate this? When the unidimensional adhesive cures, you’ve got yourself something like solidarity, an exclusive affinity group, a virtual gated community of sorts; it’s the basis of culture without all the messy pluralism and diversity.


How’s my driving?

If you’re a truck driver, you may want to go to an archived post here in portfoliolongoland. Never mind, stay and make yourself at home. You must get this all the time from amateur car drivers like me who have the audacity to use your highways and are crazy enough to complain about your professional conduct at work. Now I’ve thought about calling the one-eight number, but frankly, I’m afraid the dispatcher would contact you and your buddies by Citizen Band radio and have me and my vehicle completely flattened.


Ed Takes Action Regarding Target’s 5th Tip

Dear Target Guest,

In light of the recent intrusion into our information systems, we recommend the following tips to guard against possible scams in the future:

  1. Never share information with anyone over the phone, email or text, even if they claim to be someone you know or do business with. Instead, ask for a call-back number.
  2. Delete texts immediately from numbers or names you don’t recognize.
  3. Be wary of emails that ask for money or send you to suspicious websites.
  4. Don’t click links within emails you don’t recognize.
  5. If there is an unauthorized surveillance camera in your bathroom, paint over the lens to protect your privacy. (Note: Use the attached 10% discount coupon to purchase supplies for this project. Offer expires April 23, 2014.)

Thank you for your patience and loyalty to Target.

G. Steinhafel

Chairman, President and CEO